There is no egg in the eggplant,

No ham in the hamburger,

And neither pine nor apple in the freaking pineapple!

English muffins were not invented in and forget whatever you may have been taught, because French fries were not invented in .

We sometimes take English for granted,

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that

Quicksand takes you down slowly

And Boxing rings are square,

Not to mention that a guinea pig is not a pig and never was and never will be from .

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?

If the plural of tooth is teeth,

Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?

If the teacher taught,

Why didn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,

Then what the fuck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play,

Yet play at a recital?

Park on driveways and

Drive on parkways?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy

Of a language where a house can burn up as

It burns down,

And in which you fill in a form

By filling it out,

And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, (not computers!)

And it reflects the creativity of the human race.

(Which of course, isn't a race at all)

That is why

When the stars are out they are visible,

But when the lights are out they are invisible.

And why it is that when I wind up my watch

It starts,

But when I wind up this rant,

It ends.

(found this and thought it was great, of course I added my own little spice to make it a bit more ME)